“Slow and Steady Wins the Race”
Interview with Kathy Clayton

Sarah Kirton, Content Editor – Mystic Mag
Published On September 28, 2024

Kathy Clayton is a thoughtful and inspired coach who creates a deeply effective and transformative experience for her clients. She brings a curious and attentive presence, fostering a spacious yet personal environment. Kathy’s approach involves asking provocative questions and delivering rapid insights that lead to meaningful, lasting outcomes. Her focus goes beyond business processes to help clients uncover their authentic selves, creating real and harmonious impact for leaders and their teams. Through deep listening and observation, Kathy helps individuals align their personal growth with professional success. MysticMag has the opportunity to learn more.

Kathy, your coaching emphasizes navigating change through relationships. How do you help leaders identify and transform their relationship with change to drive more positive outcomes?

When I begin working with clients, I follow a structured and intentional approach. Regardless of who the client is, we always start in the same way—by gathering a lot of information about them and validating it at every step. One of the first exercises I guide them through is identifying their values. Since my approach is values-driven, it’s crucial to help individuals uncover their own values before asking them to align with external or organizational values. Whether I’m working with individuals or companies, we need to start with the personal values of those involved because expecting buy-in at a company level without this foundational understanding often leads to resistance.

Once we’ve clarified values, I work deeply with the Enneagram. What I find compelling about the Enneagram is that, while it’s often seen as a simple personality type indicator, it’s really a map of human nature. By understanding our own unique perspectives and the perspectives of others, we have the chance to truly come home to ourselves. The Enneagram centers on three triads of intelligence—head, heart, and gut—so depending on a person’s center of intelligence, this will shape how they lead, whether from an emotional, intellectual, or instinctive place.

In addition to the Enneagram, I use a motivational tool that originally led me into coaching: the Personal Potential Appraisal System. This system identifies 23 core motivations, including the spectrum between change and variety versus attachment to the familiar. It also explores things like leadership styles, communication preferences, introversion or extroversion, and one’s relationship with boundaries and self-orientation. It even delves into what motivates individuals—whether it’s mechanical, scientific, natural, philosophical, literary, auditory, or visual inclinations.

This is key when working with clients to transform their relationship with change. Some are deeply attached to the familiar, which means they can adapt but need a detailed blueprint and a longer time frame. Others are driven by change and variety, which can make them impulsive, often leading to hasty decisions that aren’t well thought out. By helping clients understand their own metrics—such as where they land on the change-versus-familiarity spectrum—we can see how these tendencies affect different areas of their lives.

For example, I have a high need for change, especially in my relationships with people, and this is tied to my philosophical inclinations. But I also have a strong streak of impulsivity, which I’ve had to learn to manage. A big part of my work is helping clients recognize their own patterns and understand how these patterns show up in their personal and professional lives—what has worked for them and what hasn’t. This perspective is essential for them to make more informed choices and achieve more positive outcomes.
Ultimately, I see myself as a ‘person coach.’ Regardless of your role or title, you are the common denominator in every situation you encounter. By understanding where you stand and how to assess the circumstances, you become equipped to make choices that lead to better outcomes.

In your work, you often highlight the importance of seeing relationships from new angles. Can you share an example of how shifting perspectives on relationships has led to transformative results for a client?

One client comes to mind whom I’ve worked with for over 15 years. She first came to me in her late 20s, and now she’s in her early 40s. She’s an Enneagram Type 3, which is part of the heart triad. Type 3s have a tendency to both use and suppress their emotions, focusing on achievement and pushing down feelings to get things done. This client is an incredibly driven and successful person, but when we uncovered her Enneagram type, it became clear why she was struggling to manage her team. She would bulldoze over her employees’ emotions, seeing them as obstacles to productivity. She was disconnected from her own feelings and couldn’t empathize with others.

It wasn’t enough to simply tell her to consider her employees’ emotions. She could try, but without being connected to her own heart, there was no real commitment. Over time, we worked on helping her reconnect with her emotions, not just at work but also in her personal life, including her relationship with her now-husband and friends. This process allowed her to slow down and acknowledge her employees as human beings, rather than just machines for productivity.

The real breakthrough came when she had her two daughters. She loved her girls deeply, but motherhood made her realize the importance of allowing space for emotions. I often use a positive strategy with parents by reminding them that they’re raising the next generation, and the way they model emotional intelligence is crucial for their children. This resonated with her, and she began to slow down with her daughters, letting them express and process their emotions at their own pace. This experience helped her connect even more with her heart, which had a direct and positive effect on how she managed her employees.

She’s a client I truly admire. She doesn’t need constant coaching—we’ve always worked in cycles. She comes back when life presents new challenges, and I love that she’s fully embraced the importance of being connected with her heart to achieve the outcomes she desires.

You take a holistic approach, exploring not only human relationships but also relationships with culture, money, and values. How do these broader relationships impact leadership effectiveness?

I love this question because it highlights how we bring our whole selves with us wherever we go, whether we realize it or not. Our backgrounds, experiences, and upbringings shape how we view the world. For instance, I have a friend who grew up in inner-city Milwaukee, Wisconsin, and her relationship with the world is vastly different from mine, having grown up in the wealthy suburbs of Kansas City. We each carry our histories, cultural perspectives, and blind spots with us.

When I work with clients, I help them recognize not only where they come from but also what their cultural blind spots might be. This broadens their perspective and allows them to realize that not everyone thinks like they do. People don’t all come from the same background, level of education, or experience with family stability. By helping clients understand who they are and how their experiences shape their view of the world, we open up possibilities for greater understanding and inclusion.

This expanded awareness allows them to create a bigger tent, so to speak, inviting more people into the conversation and embracing a wider range of perspectives. It’s one of the most important things I do—help people broaden their vision. And when it comes to leadership within companies, there’s always another agenda beyond personal growth, whether it’s increasing profitability or ensuring the company’s success. So, clarifying both personal and company values is key. It’s important to ask: Why are you leading? What’s the purpose? What’s your goal?

This process doesn’t just broaden their outlook—it also leads to more effective leadership. When people see how they’re connected to the broader mission, there’s better buy-in. I’m reminded of my former sister-in-law, who managed a John Deere dealership. John Deere makes everything from small lawnmowers to massive agricultural machinery. She was one of the few women globally in that position, and she realized early on that improving quality at her dealership couldn’t come from a top-down approach. It had to be bottom-up.

Though she didn’t come from a working-class background, she was able to connect with the mechanics on the floor, listen to their perspectives, and create a safe system for them to report issues and suggest improvements. This collaborative approach transformed her dealership into one of the most profitable not only in the country but in the world. Her willingness to take a different perspective and commitment to leadership was crucial to that success.

You emphasize helping clients apply new insights to real-world situations. What strategies do you use to ensure leaders integrate these insights into their decision-making process in both personal and professional spheres?

This question really focuses on the heart of my work, and I often talk about helping my clients find themselves through the lens of the Enneagram’s three centers of intelligence: the head, heart, and body. For example, as a Type 7 on the Enneagram, I live in my head, and I have good access to my body, but connecting deeply with my heart and staying present there—that has been my work. And it’s likely similar for others who tend to be head-centered. Now at 58, I’m much more connected to my heart than when I first started exploring these concepts. Over time, I’ve learned how to inhabit my heart and allow myself to be affected by what’s happening with others, within myself, and in my relationships. That’s been transformative for me, and it’s something I bring into my coaching.

So, a big part of my work with clients is helping them connect with their primary center of intelligence—whether it’s the head, heart, or body—and then listen to what the other centers are telling them. This creates a sense of groundedness and connection. Once they’re more aligned in all three centers, they can respond to life and leadership challenges in a more integrated, authentic way.

Another core aspect of my coaching is what I call “reality-based coaching.” While that might sound obvious, so many people live in a kind of fantasy world of how they think life should be, how they think others should behave, or how things should go. But when you’re stuck in those “shoulds,” you’re usually resisting reality, and as long as you’re in resistance, you can’t create real change.

I encourage my clients to embrace deep acceptance—accepting who they are, how others are, and how life is unfolding. It doesn’t mean you have to like everything about your reality, but acknowledging what is true gives you the power to shift the dynamic. When you’re in acceptance, you stop wasting energy fighting reality and start focusing on purposeful action.
I often tell my clients, “Acceptance doesn’t mean you like it—it just means it’s true.” Once they come to that place of acceptance, whether in their professional life, personal relationships, or their own personal growth, they gain the power to make meaningful changes. It’s only through accepting what is that you can then shift the conversation, change the trajectory, and create something new, whether in a corporate setting, a business, or in their personal relationships.

So those two things—helping people inhabit their centers of intelligence and guiding them into a reality-based mindset—are really the foundations of my work.

In a fast-paced business environment, you intentionally slow down conversations. How does this practice of creating spaciousness in coaching sessions lead to more meaningful, long-lasting impact?

When I first started coaching in the late 90s, the industry was still in its early stages, and there was a lot of focus on quick transformations—claims like “I can change your life in three months!” were common. But in my experience, real transformation doesn’t happen that quickly, and it’s unlikely to stick if it does. So, in 2002, I introduced a yearlong coaching program. At the time, I got a lot of pushback from the coaching community, with people telling me it was too long, that clients wouldn’t commit. But my clients loved it.
The beauty of a yearlong program is that it allows us to go through an entire cycle together. We experience the seasons, holidays, anniversaries, and birthdays, which means we can witness how these patterns affect them over time. This is particularly important for clients who have experienced loss. For example, a friend of mine recently lost her father, and while she received plenty of support in the immediate aftermath, I know that grief shows up in waves, often long after the initial event. So, I check in at three months, six months, nine months—especially around significant dates like his birthday or the first holiday season without him. It’s those moments that bring up the depth of grief that might have been buried or overlooked in the beginning.

I’m deeply focused on cycles and patterns because if you want to change something, you first have to understand it fully. A great example is Thanksgiving in the U.S.—people have strong opinions about what belongs on the table and what doesn’t. If you want to introduce a change, like a new dish, you don’t suggest it a week before Thanksgiving or even in November. You bring it up months earlier, say in the spring. At first, people might resist, but by giving them time to sit with the idea, they can warm up to it. That’s how change works—it’s a process of planting seeds and allowing time for people to adjust.

In my coaching practice, I’ve embraced this slower pace. I don’t meet with my clients weekly like in therapy; coaching is about change, and change takes time. Most of my clients meet with me every other week, or even every three weeks, sometimes once a month. This gives them the space to sit with the material, to practice, to integrate what we’ve discussed. We didn’t become who we are overnight, and we won’t change overnight either.

I often remind my clients that “slow and steady wins the race.” It’s a principle that has served me well, especially since I’m someone who craves change and can be impulsive. Learning to take that deep breath, to pace myself, has been crucial. Another phrase I love, which some clients shared with me, is “slow is smooth, and smooth is fast.” It’s a sailing metaphor—if you try to go too fast right away, you create a lot of unnecessary turbulence and chaos, which actually slows you down. But if you move deliberately and smoothly, you make faster, more sustainable progress.

Another favorite adage is “measure twice, cut once.” It’s a construction metaphor that speaks to the importance of really thinking things through, carefully considering what you want to achieve before taking action. We live in a fast-paced society where everything needs to happen yesterday, but rushing leads to mistakes. By helping people slow down, breathe, and have deeper conversations, they discover new insights about themselves and their situations.

One last point about this process of creating space: silence. In coaching, I’ve learned that silence is powerful. After I ask a question or after the client shares something, I sit in that silence and just listen. Silence can make people uncomfortable, but I’ve found that allowing for those quiet moments gives my clients the space to let something new bubble up. It’s in that spaciousness that the magic happens—by slowing down and giving them time to reflect, the deeper discoveries start to surface.

About the Author

Sarah Kirton – Content Editor

Sarah Kirton is a Content Editor at MysticMag. She focuses on exploring diverse holistic therapies, energy healing, and esoteric arts. Her role involves delving into these subjects to bring out meaningful insights from each individual she interviews. With a long-standing spiritual connection, Sarah has dabbled in Reiki (Reiki 1) and tarot, drawn by the fascinating power of energy and its healing potential. As a freelance writer for the past five years, she has honed her ability to craft compelling narratives around these topics. Sarah is also a mother to a 6-year-old, whom she considers her greatest teacher. Outside of her spiritual work, she enjoys water sports, appreciating the energy and power of nature, which aligns with her love for the healing and transformative aspects of the natural world.